Hopeless is me. Lack of will power is my game. Having a cold, feeling doubly miserable, no exercise. Wah - wah!

Whoa

So my family went out of town for 5 days and I binge ate like tomorrow would not be coming. I ate to assuage my anxiety at being alone at night, of my dog's illness, of being a kid again with no one watching me. I ate because I was grown up and I had money and I could shop. I ate when others in the world could not. I ate without punishment. I ate with abandon and now... now.... I CAN NOT SEEM to STOP! Argh!
 What have I done/ I was doing so well/ can I do it again/ why did I do it again/ how will I stop/ the list goes on and on ad infinite.

I look at my belly. My big belly. There is no excuse. It is a week since my dog died. I am sad, sad, sad. I asked for chocolate covered raisins from the store. When they did not show up in the groceries, I thought I had dodged a self prescribed bullet but no - I found them! Hidden away on a shelf in the garage pantry. I have been eating them ever since. Self medicating my pain. I know I am doing it. Doesn't mean I can stop doing it anytime soon. Then the anxiety over the world. Can't even go there. Must find a way to help myself and think of others first. Lois is a loser today! Last week. Tomorrow.

I am lost again in a world of overeating and the inherent pain that it is causing my body. With no one else in the house for 5 days, I ate as if there was no tomorrow and indulged in a bounty of old friends - junk food friends. I am feeling hopeless like I will never have any will power. I am worthy but treat myself as if I am not. On the other hand I am beginning to be able to see when I reach for food as I enter into or leave a stressed out situation. Everyday I get a fresh start and can begin again but by lunch - I am lost again. Am I really as hopeless as I feel?