I last published here a month ago and I have to say that I have been out of control since then. eating whatever, whenever I felt like it. Pretending that I do not see the back fat and rolls of belly fat one me. I am hopeless, feel hopeless and certainly now that I am so far outside the beauty norm, I feel hopelessly unattractive. So much has gone on this month. I lost Regina. I had then endless 4 week cold, felt better and now have another. I actually had to go to the doctor who then sent me a lab test sheet for blood sugar and that AC1 test or whatever it is. That has caused me great anxiety and what do I do with anxiety? I eat. I sit, watch tv and eat. Eat for comfort, love. Eat out of boredom, soul pain.

I think I made a weensie tiny step today although I spent most of the day in bed with this miserable cold- I threw out the pirate's booty white cheddar popped thingees. They can not tempt me anymore and I will not by them again. I just cannot have stuff like that in the house. I swear it calls to me until I eat it - all of it generally in the course of a day. I did not get rid of the chocolate eggs though - I ate those because I was sick and needed comfort and they were handy and chocolate is a BIG weakness of mine. A raging beast that must be fed chocolate lives inside me and surrenders to it, every time.