Hopeless Eater

I have not posted here in a month. I have been sick from colds, stomach flu, cold again, coughs, weakness, no energy. Two visits to the doctor and I still felt miserable plus being foolish for spending money at the doctor. Is it my weight making me sick? I do not know! damn it! Anyhow, I am feeling stressed with a show coming up and now I am really screwing up on my food eating having slipped back into raisins from Elevated ice cream and eating them without end. They are soothing me and also making me feel repulsed with myself. I am having the bad dreams associated with failing miserably at shows and these nightmares bring me tachycardia which then scares me and makes me overeat again. You see I am a fat hypochondriac barley maintaining control over my eating and my life, and thinking where do I go from here? I am lost, a hopeless overeater.