Hershey's Kisses are finding their way back into my life. They are my downfall and my comfort candy. I have been stressed so I reach for milk chocolate. My mom used to keep them hidden around the house and I think of that action was born my desire to over consume them when I have them. I feel so fine, mighty fine when I eat them. I block from my mind, the calories and fat and what i will look like in the mirror. The mighty condemning mirror. Will I move past this as summer stresses heat up like the temps outside my door. Don't know.

On another note, why when I feel sick like yesterday, which I am sure was from the sun and heat making me extremely dizzy, do I blame it on being fat? Sigh - I have also poisoned my way of thinking....

Huh?

Anxiety is ruling my life! I can not shut my mind off after a long day at the shop. Sleep is long but not smooth. There is always one more thing to do. I forget to breathe, to relax, to have a glass of water but I do not forget to overeat! All I want is food and xanax. Comfort and wooziness. Why can't I have it? Why does it end of being food that I turn to? I mentally list everything I have consumed for the day and think I have hurt myself. My body. My heart. Is this being a hypochondriac? I have no one I feel I can speak to about this. I say pull up your big girl panties, LOis, get on with it. But how can you get on with it when there is no stopping it?

I am working everyday to save payroll. I feel awful for everyone suffering in these economic times. I am all once stymied in helping adding to my self anger and anxiety. Sigh..........................