I am sometimes ashamed at all the times I have berated and hated myself because I was fat. What crime is that? Why do I feel ashamed to put my best self forward. Never again. I will stop this hateful journey with myself this day.

It is a thousand points of anxiety that wake me at night and cause me to have a tachycardia attack which could descend into an out and out anxiety war within myself scary stuff. I feel like I am living jr's life what will he do out of high school? How can I help him in his life. Money flies out of my life at him and he finds a ton of ways to spend it. I know his life is not mine but he so impacts it all and I am scared for him eating is almost out of contro