So my family went out of town for 5 days and I binge ate like tomorrow would not be coming. I ate to assuage my anxiety at being alone at night, of my dog's illness, of being a kid again with no one watching me. I ate because I was grown up and I had money and I could shop. I ate when others in the world could not. I ate without punishment. I ate with abandon and now... now.... I CAN NOT SEEM to STOP! Argh!
What have I done/ I was doing so well/ can I do it again/ why did I do it again/ how will I stop/ the list goes on and on ad infinite.
I look at my belly. My big belly. There is no excuse. It is a week since my dog died. I am sad, sad, sad. I asked for chocolate covered raisins from the store. When they did not show up in the groceries, I thought I had dodged a self prescribed bullet but no - I found them! Hidden away on a shelf in the garage pantry. I have been eating them ever since. Self medicating my pain. I know I am doing it. Doesn't mean I can stop doing it anytime soon. Then the anxiety over the world. Can't even go there. Must find a way to help myself and think of others first. Lois is a loser today! Last week. Tomorrow.
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