Day Two

Will it be better today? This constant thinking of food. I crave chocolate, lust for a cookie, want a croissant. Like being taken over by deep want, this food addiction runs my day. I had an argument with my spouse last night. We very rarely argue, mostly we kibbitz at each other but last night, I wanted to leave. I did drive off sanely, rationally and even thought of getting a hotel room. Yep, I was going to spend the night away. My locker at work held a change of clothes and toiletries. I was oddly peaceful, thinking this is the change I am going for but honestly, what was I thinking as I drove downtown? Where would I eat breakfast and what would I have? No issues were resolved here or there. My heart in a medium size way was breaking, I was mad, hurt, sad and I thought of food. When will my thoughts heal and turn to something else? This has to be the result of food being my go to friend as a chubby kid and as a lonely adult. Will things change? Will today be better? Already I am thinking of taking my child, as promised to the ice cream parlor after school today for that good report card...... sigh.... knock head against wall here. You know I am going to eat ice cream, don't you? Don't I?